Warning: some of this story is written in ‘Pans’ a sub dialect of ‘Geordie’, increasing in popularity and spoken when surrounded by tourists. It's a well understood dialect and interpreters can be hired from Shiremoor, Burradon, Killingworth, Blyth, Bedlington Seaton Delaval, Seaton Burn, Dudley, Earsdon Seghill, West Monkseaton and the Pans itself, etc: at great expense to our non-regulars.
You may ask what is the legacy and what will slip into the history books regarding the ‘self serving reign’ of the self imposed Liar, Cheat, Womaniser and Wallpaperer, Emperor Boris Johnson MP?
His final thrashing as a dying Emperor is not to push UK residents into building a Nuclear Power Plant that can’t be defended from rocket attacks a decision that were sure will be changed now that the Pound has slipped to an all time low against the Dollar (making energy even more expensive than it currently is and will feed the corporations and friends of the outgoing Emperor’s families for centuries) its his decision to reintroduce another rip off to set against the British people, the reintroduction of Imperial Measurement into the UK.
The metrification of the UK was gradual and began in 1965 under Harold Wilson’s Government but from 1975 was pushed heavily by the Tories during the Thatcher years.
So we have a Prime Minister who is trying to emulate politicians from History and just like Margaret Thatcher, Boris Johnson is leaving us with the cost of a war, massively high inflation, a depleted treasury, a lack of investment in UK infrastructure outside London and working people and the elderly becoming poorer every day.
Murky reporters have been out and about chatting to people about the reintroduction of an Imperial system of measurement and we thought we would feature a conversation heard outside the ‘Pans store’ this week as only the older generation has experience of an imperial system and how it works. Our story features two older ladies, an older man and a young woman with a child who may have gone to grammar school.
“Hello Ida, I've just been lisnin to wor Joe's Ginney’s, Willie's Grandson ye knaw the Gingery won and he’s tellin me that were ganna be forced back to using ancient measures he’s nivvor hord of and Boriiss has sed its ganna happin”. “A knaw pet its bloody pathetic that a bloke thats meant to be cliver wants to gan back to the past an the owly folk itll cost at first is us. Jus luck at who we were corned when the metric was eventually forced through ages after it was towt at school, we had nowt as Thatcher had closed the pits and the shipyards and things shot up just like noo an all the lasses in the factrys, were gettin paid off and sewing went to Afirica an places”. Old Man joins in” Wey am worrit that all these yung uns ill find it tough cos this lot o Tories are the worst weev ever had, an a remember them thrashins I got cos a couldn’t add up in 12’s fast enough and a couldn’t de me fathas bets until I was shown about the half a croon times table an all this change ill cost a fortune an that fortune ill come from us. Young Woman “Well I’m a little disappointed as the adopted metric system is so easy to understand and I have started teaching the bairn about it as we like to holiday in France regularly and I have never been taught this what seems odd system that my friends in France don’t know about at all”. Wey pet we lived throoit and divent naw why an its just ganna force bait cost at the store here up forther. An ya naw tha’s nee need forit he just needs to retire wi grace an a hope a niver hear aboot im again, but a bet we de!”
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